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Can I Have Something of My Own, Please?

October 4, 2011

This will go unread and while I am upset with that fact, I must let it out. All throughout my life, I have never had something I could really call my own. Everything was always shared with my sisters and brother. I have just recently found something that makes my heart flutter which is extremely important coming from a girl who has nothing to look forward to in life. It may seem superficial and pointless, but it makes me happy. Is that so wrong? I found something I can look forward to at the end of the day and I like this feeling.

                        And then it was snatched away from me. Right under my nose, straight from my hands, directly in front of me. People have taken what I loved, distorted it, and displayed it to the world so that I no longer have any claim to it, whatsoever. If anyone ever reads this, please do not think of me as a silly person who is shallow and needs to vent to her worthless blog. I’m begging you, don’t. My problems may be silly, but they’re MY problems for a reason. They’re important to me. I was never the girl everyone looked up to and wished to be like…

                         I had something. Now it’s gone. Move on.  But here’s the thing, I don’t want to. I’ll find a way to cope. Somehow.

Should anyone read this, please tell me your problems and how you move on and/or fix them. Thanks.

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One Comment
  1. I know the feeling of not having anything to call your own. The first time I ever had anything to call my own was when I joined the Marine Corps and moved away from family (kinda sad now that I think about that). Even then I didn’t have anything of my own until I finally bought my first car. Holy shit I own a damn car!! I do! I bought it. No one else. Me. That was the best feeling in the world. I can do whatever I wanted to it and no one would care. That is the first time no one was able to take away from me what was mine.

    Now in my younger years, I had things that I thought was mine. Like I said, thought. I always lived near family; sister, cousins, step-fuckers, etc…. If my grandmother bought me a bike, I had to share unless she bought the others a bike. Bullshit I thought. Then I realized that she couldn’t afford to buy everyone a bike. I couldn’t be selfish and get away with it. That sucked ass, but it taught me a valuable lessen, there is going to always be people who have less than you and one day I will have the things I want and not have to share.

    I experienced a lot of having to share, having things taken from me, and just plan old not having anything at all. I was fortunate enough to be able to have my own things latter in life. That feeling is a very good one. Knowing that you work for what you have or will have and it is/would be yours.

    Unfortunately, i no longer have anything that is mine. I have had everything taken away. Why you ask? Because I am now married with three boys. One which is a teenager. My wife and kids own everything. I just live there and pay for it. i am ok with that because it makes me feel good knowing that they have what they want or need while I am around.

    The knowledge that I give all to my family is all I need to own now.

    Nothing I say will stop the hurt of getting something stripped from you. Just take refuge in knowing that one day you will be the Queen of your Castle and everything inside.

    I hope things get better for you. Take care.

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